Some of our friends moved abroad last year to do mission and they're back in the UK for a few weeks. We met up with them last night and it was so good.
Somehow though seeing them on home turf, as opposed to having seen them abroad, reminded me just how much we missed them. It's difficult. When they lived here we spent quite a lot of time with them and really benefitted spiritually from that (although I don't know whether it was reciprocal, but I would hope we blessed them too).
It was easy, we were committed to spending time with one another even though we were also all busy. And it was the kind of friendship that changes you, refreshes you spiritually. The kind of friendship that doesn't stay on the superficial level talking about holidays, jobs, health. The kind that is at a deeper level and so that naturally brings things into the open, helps you to process things and stretches you.
The kind of friendship that doesn't just leave you relaxed, it alters you for the better, it challenges you through love, it refuses to leave you unchanged.
I am feeling called by God to push forward in community, re-learn what God says community is, and unlearn what the world says it is. However, as a result of discussions last night I realised that the relationships I have don't seem to have that spritual element so much any more. It feels like we're all comfy in our lukewarmness. I don't feel challenged by members of our community and it feels like we're happy to keep things on the superficial level, maybe dipping our toes into deeper water on a Thursday because it's small group and we probably should do.
In the Bible they
devoted themselves to seeking God together. Can I say that our community is
devoted to seeking God together and for one another?
If I was going through a hard time would they offer to burn the midnight oil seeking God together, or would I get a tissue and comforting words?
If I was losing my passion, if the fires were burning low, if I was caught in sin and didn't realise would they challenge me, would they hold me accountable on their own initiative, or would they avoid the topic and hope for better?
If I felt a call to do something, do pray more, to sacrifice more, to be more, would they stand with me or would they cheer from the sidelines? Would they hold up my arms when they started to droop?
And I'm not saying I do all this, that I'm perfect. I know that change needs to start at home. But I think my real question is - if a complete stranger looked at my community outside of Thursdays would he know it was a Christian one? I don't think so.
I am convinced that our community does not leave its members changed.
I do not feel changed and as a result I feel frustrated, limited, trapped. I've been feeling for a few weeks now that it's time for something to change. I don't know what yet but I will, in time, as God decides.
There was a time that the toes of my shoes were scuffed from me being on my knees praying. My shoes aren't so scuffed these days.
It's time for change. It's time to get on my knees. It's time for God.
